“I don’t like selling myself!”
“It’s hard for me to network. I don’t like selling myself!” 😖
I have coached so many people with this mental block.
Here is how to unblock yourself.
🔹 Understand what drives your behaviour.
Ask yourself a question.
What is driving your behaviour?
The answer is beliefs.
Your behaviour is conditioned by the things you believe are true for you.
- If you believe you are a confident person, you behave confidently.
- If you believe that you are shy, you will be shy in social situations.
- If you believe that selling yourself is something bad, you will be avoiding the behaviour that stems from that belief (reaching out to people and presenting yourself).
What does that mean for you?
Start at the level of beliefs.
Here is how you can do it.
Find your own definition of the word Sales.
For me, Sales is an amazing and the most powerful skill to have. Why?
🔹 Sales is an ability to create an opinion.
(every time you are recommending a book, a movie or a restaurant you are selling)
If you can read the room and influence the room, so many doors will open for you in life.
❌ Sales is not selling something the customer doesn’t want.
✅ Sales is helping them to solve a problem or achieve a goal.
Think about tech sales.
Can you sell the software to an organization that simply doesn’t have the problem that your software solves?
No. Of course not.
You start the sales process by identifying if the pain exists in the first place.
👀 Now look at Job Hunting.
If you see a job description, the very fact that the JD exists serves as a confirmation — the pain exists.
Every day spent without having the right person in place who is doing their job is a day of wasted time and money.
Think from the perspective of the Hiring Manager (HM).
The work is not being done.
The project is one fire.
The morale on the team is low.
As an HM, you are frustrated, overworked, and feel the heat from the Executives.
The door opens. 🚪
And here is the perfect candidate (you), who can do the job, is a top performer, and is an amazing culture fit and a joy to work with.
Do you see them (yourself) as someone who came to sell? 🤔
You see them as a Savior who came to solve all their problems.
Where is the Selling part? 🤔
An interview is nothing but a Discovery call in which you determine if there is a mutual fit.
You see, hesitation that arises from a belief that there is a need to “go and sell yourself” is a mental construct that many people build (often unconsciously).
Do not let your mental constructs sabotage your success.
Design and adopt beliefs that would induce positive action — behaviour that will be helpful in changing your life situation.
One more puzzle piece for you. 🧩
Hesitation often rises from a deeper belief.
Low self-esteem — the belief that you have nothing to offer.
If I ask you, all people that you have ever worked with or collaborated with in your life — do they have Inherent Value? Do they all have something to offer?
I have never met anyone who wouldn’t say: “Yes, absolutely.”
Now, by definition.
If everyone else has Value, you must have it too.
If you have any work experience, you have experience in Value creation.
❓ Try to find patterns. In what ways have you created Value before?
❓ What do you know is true about your Strengths?
❓ What positive feedback have you received in the past?
❓Ask people who know you well to describe you with 10 adjectives.
When you are thinking about your own Value, your thinking is you-centric.
Be less concerned about that.
Much better questions to ask are:
❓ What is the change that I want to see in this world? How do I become a conduit of that change?
❓ What are the problems in this world that I want to solve? And how do I grow my capacity to solve those problems?
Shift your focus.
Move on from living in your head to the life of service to others.
Everything else you need — tools, knowledge, people, you will find on that path.
Even if you pick up one plastic bottle on the beach, you will have contributed to a greener Earth.
Even if you made one person today better or made them feel better, you are living your purpose.
Lastly, dealing with rejection.
Imagine for a second that you have a door-to-door sales job.
You have a box of chocolate to sell, you knock on the door, and the door doesn’t open.
❓ Will you be standing there indefinitely hoping for it to eventually open?
❓ Will you be hitting and kicking the door, screaming in frustration?
❓ Will you be trying to break the door in order to get in?
Of course not.
The adequate course of action is of course to move and knock on the next door.
And when you sell all your delicious chocolate elsewhere you know it and get your sweet money — that door that didn’t open was never your door.
It didn’t reject you.
It redirected you to the right door.
In other words,
🔹 There is no rejection, only redirection.
Job Hunting is that door-to-door sales job.
Let’s sum up.
- Your behaviour is driven by things you believe are true for you. If the behaviour doesn’t move you toward your desired state, change your thoughts.
- Your ability to sell (create opinions and influence perceptions) is determined by your system of definitions.
- In job-hunting, there is no such thing as Sales. Only conversations to find a mutual fit.
- You have Inherent Value. You can maximize your Value by living a life of purpose.
- There is rejection, only redirection.
Hope this mini-coaching session helps 🙂
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