Don’t give a shit
Letters to my unborn child.
When I was young I was always caring too much about what other people think. When we are young we live in our heads, and what we have inside is the ultimate reality for us. The roots of such insecurities may differ from person to person, but the ways of uprooting are pretty much the same. Today we will talk about The Art of Not Giving a Shit.
The Art of not giving a shit consists of 3 principles: The Mindset, The Doing, and The Focus.
The Mindset. How you can use 80/20 principle to build it.
80/20 — the infamous Pareto principle. It can be elegantly applied to give you a less giving crap mindset.
Think this way: 80 percent of people around you are more concerned about themselves, while the other 20 may pay attention to you and have some thoughts on that matter.
80 percent of those thoughts will never be vocalized, whereas 20 of those spoken aloud for the biggest part are not negative at all.
Here is the biggie. 80 percent of people don’t give a shit about you and your problems. Close to 20 percent might have some interest, but for the most part, they even might be happy that you have problems.
Of course one should not take 80/20 rule seriously as statistically accurate data, it is simply a way of thinking, which, to my experience, is actually quite close to the truth.
All of the discomfort that we experience as a response to someone’s negative feedback is caused by all wrong evaluation of people’s opinions. Once we start to put too much value on what another person said or did, we start to feel these internal conflicts.
For most of the cases when we are trying to find the explanation for the actions of others we simply guess as we can’t be hundred percent sure of what the true motives are.
Understanding that we never really know what’s in other people’s minds becomes liberating. Guessing is not knowing and it doesn’t deserve your attention. The only one way to care less is to reframe yourself.
Observe your thoughts on the opinions of other people. What do you care about? What was said to you, who said it and why do you give value to it? Cleaning your mindset is similar to cleaning your home. Shake your principles and see if some rubbish will fall out, find things that simply don’t work for you and eliminate them, and don’t forget to check the dark corners of your mind, there are usually one or two spiders spinning their web.
The Doing. To be = to do.
In the end of the day, you are not a sum of things you said. You are the sum of things you do. Here are some proven activities that you may start to expand your “giving less crap” zone, all you have to do is just to place yourself in the group.
Back in my home in Kazakhstan theater is very popular. As a result many acting classes are available for young people who would like to learn a little bit more about this art. Enrollment in an acting class will expand your comfort zone tremendously. You will learn how to do absolutely bizarre things and not care about what other people think. You will start to perceive the world as a play as Shakespeare once said:
All the world’s stage,
And all the men and women are merely players.
Being natural and lovable can be a god-given talent, but for people who don’t possess it, it can be a self-taught skill.
Whatever you call the Art of being good with the opposite sex, in your own journey of the mastery and self-exploration you will learn a lot about yourself as well as a lot about how to be audacious, daring, and assertive. For both men and women the science of how to behave oneself with the opposite sex is a cornerstone of assertiveness.
Confidence, as it is, comes from the deep internal knowledge that you can do a certain thing, and in its turn, this knowledge come from two things — discomfort and repetition. You step into the discomfort zone, and then you practice. Repetition, repetition, repetition. When you internalize your freshly acquired knowledge it becomes your second nature. You are not doing it anymore, you are being.
This is another very good and fun activity for those people who are afraid or shy to do things alone and need a group of like-minded supporters who would encourage each other. Participating in a flash mob will also give you a sense of community. But most importantly it is perfect to be a first small step towards your desired skill of giving less crap.
Your doubts related to doing something in public can be waved away by one something like this:
“Why do I care about what other people think most of the people on the street I see right now I see you last time in my life. Why should I care what these people think about me? I don’t even know them.
And if it concerns people who I know I should ask myself: how much value the does the opinion of these people have in my eyes. Once you start asking the right questions you will soon figure out that mostly you do not care. Only people who succeeded at something that I only set as an objective can give me feedback which I might consider valuable.
That is the simplest thing you can do. No surprise that there is a direct correlation between the physical shape and your assertiveness. Gaining physical strength implies that you decrease the amount of potential physical threats and this becomes the source of your confidence. The very knowledge of your physical strength gives rise to the strength internal.
Physical development requires solid result-oriented discipline which diminishes the value of opinions of people who do not possess it.
And last but not the least, you feel good, you look good, you know that you look good.
Before screaming around that you don’t give a shit about anything, it is critical to give a shit. Know what is important. Your Values.
Give a shit about many things.
- Give a shit what you feed your mind with. Everything that gets in eventually becomes you.
- Give a shit about your family. Take care of your parents, the life is short, and there is no time for regrets.
- Give a shit about who you give your time. And don’t give it to those who don’t respect it.
- Give a shit about the people who surround you. Your friends. Your squad. Your pack.
- Give a shit about what you will do today. About goals, dreams, and people that make you smile when you wake up, and the things that make you satisfied and fulfilled when you go to sleep.
- Give a shit about what tomorrow will bring to you.
Focus your intention. Make it laser-sharp. Your attention is the key to everything. Everyone has a finite amount of it, and the skill of channeling your attention at will is the most important skill of all. Adjust your internal compass. And that alone would be enough, as you won’t have any free attention or time to spend on something else.
Hope that helps you, and you will be walking your path caring less but stay caring.
The dogs bark, but the caravan moves on.
❓ Do you have a question? Ask me! I answer daily on Quora.