About still being a virgin.
The first thing I wish someone taught me is that sex itself has nothing in common with all the fuss created around it. Gigantic industries are built up around the concept of sex whereas the process of sex itself has nothing to do with what people write, talk, or show. Sex is neither talking nor watching. It is doing.
Ignore the images of sex and sexuality that society is trying to impose on you. The noise around sex is one humongous illusion. If you feel pressure from society as well as from the very fact that other people around have sex and talk about it, stay calm. Don’t obsess about the timing either. First sex happens when it happens. That’s the order of life. You won’t be ready for your first time anyway. Psychologically you will become ready only post factum. The mind follows the experience of the body.
Don’t have sex just for the sake of trying. Wait for the right person. Fall in love. If you think that you are one of those who can’t fall in love easily at least develop an intimate relationship first. Do it with someone who makes you feel something, be it infatuation or mere sympathy.
If deep inside you know that you are too young then wait. Channel all of your sexual energy toward self-development. Study. Exercise. Read. Create value. Take the most from the invaluable time when your brain is pure and receptive to knowledge. The time of innocence when your sexuality is sleeping and your capacity to learn is on-peak can’t be returned.
People who start their sexual life too early risk overvaluing the role of sex in their lives. Fantasies about sex can lead to an obsession and eventually missing out on the opportunity to understand life in its totality. And the truth of the holistic understanding of life is that although sex is a very important, yet arguably not the most significant part of it.
About “friends-with-benefits” and “no-strings-attached” relationships.
As we previously discussed, there are many relationship dynamics that may take place in our world and all of them have a right to exist. Saying that some relationships are bad and some are good is refusing to accept life in its full spectra of manifestations. There are no good or bad relationships. A relationship simply takes up the form that is shaped by the choices and decisions of two people. You may place yourself in any dynamics but there are some things that must be taken into consideration.
Sex is not just the mechanics of two human bodies. It is an intimate interaction of energies between two people that doesn’t happen without leaving its marks. Every sex partner leaves a life-lasting impression on your soul. Sex never happens without consequences.
Even if you develop a mindset that casual “no-strings-attached” relationships make you no harm, in reality, the accumulation of such experiences desensitizes your soul. You risk starting seeing other people simply as bodies that serve the purpose of your pleasure. Such a narrative is a sure way to alienate yourself from the deep satisfaction of commitment. Beware of the shallow relationships as shallow relationships lead to a shallow life. Life is yours to live, but this is definitely something worth meditating about prior to choosing (or not choosing) your partners.
Having sex is natural. Sexual behavior and the desire of it is not something that you should be ashamed of. Sex is an interpersonal interaction and as with any type of interaction, you will be getting better at it with experience.
The only one guideline that you need to follow to have an amazing sex life is — be generous. Make giving pleasure to another person a priority and the intimacy that you will be rewarded with can be used to create a strong bond, a relationship full of trust and empathy. Sex with someone you love is completely different from sex with a person you have no deep connection with.
Sex is the ultimate form of acceptance, it is not only embracing the imperfections of your partner but loving them. It is a form of knowledge about a person and an openness of letting your partner, in turn, acquire this knowledge about you. You will only discover what makes your partner tickle if you are not afraid to explore and try new things.
Hold back from watching, listening, and talking about sex. Instead, have sex. Build up your own first-hand experience, awareness, and deep understanding of it but most importantly, make conscious decisions and choices to design your sexual life.
Controlled sexual energy can be channeled into creativity and creation. It’s a powerful tool for self-actualization and shaping your reality. However, it can also become a distraction. A balanced human being must be able to move beyond the taste for pleasures of the body and develop higher tastes — the tastes for the satisfaction of the mind and delight of the spirit.
If one loses control over his sexual energy, he gets enslaved by it. His life will not be a life of freedom. Know this, if freedom is what you are looking for.
Thank you for reading my book “Meditations of the Millennial”.
If you want to support me on my mission, please, share this book with someone you love. Maybe they will find what they seek on its pages.