About Dating
I think I could write a separate book about what men need to know about dating. Who knows? Maybe one day I will. Here is just a short walkthrough of some thoughts on the matter.
About the variety of dynamics.
Many young people tend to frame relationships between a man and a woman solely into a boyfriend-girlfriend paradigm but the truth is that on a modern dating scene all sorts of interpersonal dynamics may take place. As people mature, they start to explore what is actually possible between two people coming to a realization that a boyfriend-girlfriend framework is only one of many probable narratives.
Two people can agree on any scenario. Seeing this as a negative or a positive development is strictly subjective. Regardless of personal views, this is the reality of relationships. Understanding this is important because people who refuse to accept the real state of things make many mistakes in their dating life. Trying to create a committed relationship with a person who is not offering commitment is just one example of such a mistake.
The question to ask yourself is: “What kind of relationship dynamics do you consciously choose to have in this period of your life?” I say “in this period” because our preferences are so erratic. One day you want to settle down with the one and be married happily ever after, another you would do anything to be actively single, on special days you are torn by both desires. Such periods can also be of any duration. Some last for weeks, some for decades. People go in cycles. All people do and it is only natural. Make sure that when you and your partner are on the same page.
About timing.
For everything you go through in your life, the timing is always perfect. You may not see the full picture understanding the true mechanisms behind the reality you experience but that doesn’t mean that those mechanisms do not exist. Everything happens for a reason.
You attract a special relationship when you are ready. Don’t try to force things. Maybe you need to get a little older. Maybe your soul needs healing from a previous relationship. Maybe you go through the ordeal of loneliness because it is time for you to learn something very important about yourself. I don’t know what is your situation but take your time. Don’t rush.
You need to grow into your special relationship, not just passively wait for it to happen to you. Sometimes it means to reinvent yourself from scratch. The person you have been waiting for all your life is waiting for you too. When the time is right you will know.
About painful lessons.
Some people find their happiness in their first relationships without much experience in dating. Few people are lucky like that and chances are you are not one of them. And that’s the good news.
Pain and suffering of breakups and mending your broken heart afterward are exactly the experiences through which you gradually mature both as a person and as a romantic partner. As a result, you grow in your ability to recognize the differences between a dysfunctional relationship and a relationship that is truly working. One day you will find the right person — someone with whom you will think: “I see now why all of my previous relationships didn’t work out.”
About inconsistency.
A committed relationship can be a beautiful thing but even in a beautiful relationship the moments when you’d wish you were single are inescapable. Being single can be a beautiful thing but even if you are in perfect harmony with your solitude there will be moments, you’d wish you had someone to share them with you.
As human beings, we all struggle from our pathological predisposition toward concentrating our attention on the things we don’t have. When we are in a relationship we want out. When we are out, we want back in. This is the perplexing duality of our mind. We are never satisfied.
Practice gratitude for what you have regardless of your current status. That is the only mindset that may bring you inner balance.
Thank you for reading my book “Meditations of the Millennial”.
If you want to support me on my mission, please, share this book with someone you love. Maybe they will find what they seek on its pages.
