Hope this letter finds you in good health. There are some things I want to tell you which I believe will help you to understand me in particular and all men in general better. Even though the format of this letter is rather intimate, please, don’t take it personally. Try to read between the lines.
Let’s start with the biggie.
Please, don’t tell me what I have to do.
There is something you have to understand. I am a man.
A man needs neither teachings nor preachings from a woman. He makes important decisions and takes responsibility for them. He acts the way he finds appropriate for the simple reason that he is a man. And he does so not because he is being arrogant or stubborn. He does so because it is his duty. Most certainly, I won’t be deciding for both of us without discussing it with you first but micromanaging me is the worst thing that you can do.
I am a man. My problems are my problems. Your problems are my problems. Trust me, if I happen to find myself in a situation where I am incapable of solving a problem myself, I will humbly ask you for help. I know you might think that I have an overinflated ego but I assure you that I know how to admit a mistake when I make one. No, I don’t think it is beneath my dignity to ask a woman for advice. And no, I don’t think I am losing my status as a man if I let a woman consult me. In need of advice, I will ask you.
As a matter of fact, in cases when I do ask, I am genuinely interested in your opinion and you can rest assured that I will incorporate your feedback in a timely manner.
When a woman wants to teach a man the least effective thing to do is to be direct. But let me tell you what a woman can do — a woman can outsmart a man.
For example, if a woman wants a man to read a book, it is not the wisest thing to tell him directly: “I want you to read this book.” Rejection will be his initial impulse since no man wants to feel intellectually inferior to a woman. But what would happen if a woman changed her wording?
Imagine she said: “Dear, I just read this book but there are some parts I don’t understand. You are so smart. Would you be able to find some time to read it? Maybe you could explain them to me?” Et voilà! The man is motivated to read because now it is a matter of his ego. The woman touched the right strings and reached her goal. Both parties benefited.
Here is the truth that many women don’t realize:
Everything that a man does is to impress the woman.
A man naturally wants to fulfill the wishes of his woman. However, he will hesitate to do anything if a woman makes a request. Once a woman asks for something it stops being a gift. It becomes an order.
“I want to do something for you” and “I owe you something” are two completely different narratives so a woman must take into consideration that one narrative leads to an action, and the other to the absence of it.
If you want to make something happen just slightly mention it in a conversation. I am taking notes, I am paying attention. Eventually, I will make you a surprise and make your wish come true.
When I say “don’t do it”, please, do not do it.
We are men. We are different from women. The way we speak is the way we act. Our words are literal.
My “yes” means “yes”. It doesn’t mean “yes, but depends on you” or “yes, but depends on my mood”.
My “no” means “no”. It doesn’t mean “try harder to make it a yes” or “yes but later”.
When I say that I don’t like something don’t make it personal because it is not. It is just dry information for you to process emotionlessly.
You can’t have 100% of my attention.
I have work to do so sorry but I can’t give you all of my attention. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love to laze in your love but if that becomes the only thing I do, no positive change will ever happen in our lives. Please, learn how to entertain yourself when I am busy. I know there are many ways of self-development you would like to pursue. I will encourage and invest in all your undertakings if they are related to personal growth.
To care is to share. Share selectively.
Forgive me if it sounds harsh, but some of the things that cause your agitation are out of my circle of interest. When you ask me: “Don’t you care?” to be honest, quite often my sincere answer is “No. I don’t care.” By saying this, I am not trying to diminish the significance of things that concern you, not at all. I simply see that the things that disturb you can’t be controlled by either of us and hence all further discussion is absolutely impractical.
I feel bored talking about irrelevant things but I choose not to say it out loud because I love you and I care about you. Hear me out.
I care about you. I care about your emotional well-being and harmony. I care about your inner balance. Let’s talk about the things that can be changed and the ways to change them. If you provide me with enough information, I will give you my honest feedback on the problem and suggest possible ways of resolution to the extent of my knowledge and professional competence. In case you need my advice or real physical action, I am at your service. But spare me from the empty talk. You have your girlfriends’ ears for that.
Less materialism. More minimalism.
“I have too many clothes!” said no woman ever. Would you admit that some of the stuff you possess is useless?
Gigantic industries are working day and night to keep people enslaved inside the illusion of consumerism. They want you to make money on jobs you don’t like to spend them on things you don’t need to impress people you despise. It’s a rat race. And it’s absurd.
Lavish clothes don’t add up value to who you are as a human being. If it is true beauty that you want, go to the gym and get the body of your dreams.
Our presence on this planet is sadly transient. We will die and all the fancies and material possessions will stay here. There is nothing you will take with you when the time to leave comes. Meditate on this daily.
“Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I love talking about ideas, I am easily bored talking about events, and I have zero interest in discussing others. It doesn’t mean that I am a great mind. It just means that I understand who I am and I want you to understand it too.
I don’t care about the politics and other things that I can’t influence and I certainly don’t give a damn that one of your girlfriends broke up with her boyfriend.
Talk to me about ideas.
Let’s think about the places we can go.
Let’s envision the future we are creating.
Let’s materialize our thoughts together.
Ignite me because you can.
Be my muse.
And, hey. Stop asking me if I love you. I said “I love you” once. If something changes, I will let you know.
Thank you for reading my book “Meditations of the Millennial”.
If you want to support me on my mission, please, share this book with someone you love. Maybe they will find what they seek on its pages.